I Can't Believe This!!!

So yesterday after 1 year and 9 month's of being a single mom, we finally got into child support court. It turned out really bad. I work at Target making $7.81/hr. I was getting about 40 hours a week until the last few weeks they have cut my hours to like 30. That freaked me out. I was approved for child care assistance back in September. I know it wasn't right but I told my daughters father that they were only paying my half but the truth was they were paying pretty much all of it. So I was now taking in $480 more a month that went towards the bills. Well, that was gonna come out in court so I had to tell him. He handled it alot better then I thought he would and he even paid me what he had been paying me on the 15th. Which he didn't have to. But when we went into court I had some past stuff that had to be brought up to and hearing my "ex husbands" voice on the phone was heart breaking in it's self. I hope hearing my voice was painful too for him. But the hardest was when I saw Justin's old pay check stub and saw that he made over $65,000 last year and I had not even $12,000 killed me to know that he puts up such a fight to help me make sure our daughter has everything she needs.Or if I need to barrow money he always needs something in return. He can't just help us out. He made $8,000 each in July, August & September. So for each month he made a total of $12,000. That's what I made the whole year. And he made in 3 month's what would take me 3 years to make. How sad. I know he has a better job then me. But I never asked to be where I am right now. I didn't ask to be working at Target making what I'm making. When we were in court I couldn't stop crying. The judge asked me if I had anything to say. I said no. He seemed shocked. I wish I would of spoken up and said, "Yes your honor, there is. I feel like I have been raising my beautiful daughter all by myself since the day she was born. The first night in the hospital after she was born I woke her father up and asked if he would help me...he got mad at me and yelled I'm sleeping. From that moment on I knew I wasn't gonna be with him. But I tried so hard to stay with him. For awhile he came home after work but would just fall asleep on the couch. Those days where probably some of the loneliest times of my life. If you were to look at a slide show with pictures of me from when she was first born till before I left, you can slowly see the life getting sucked out of me. He stopped coming home after work to go out with his friends at the bars. And the only times he wanted anything to do with me was when he wanted sex. I went back to the job I had before I had Chloe but he made me get fired because he couldn't take care of Chloe 2 days a week for 4 hrs a day. How selfish can someone be?