Thursday, February 2, 2012

I Can't Believe This!!!

So yesterday after 1 year and 9 month's of being a single mom, we finally got into child support court. It turned out really bad. I work at Target making $7.81/hr. I was getting about 40 hours a week until the last few weeks they have cut my hours to like 30. That freaked me out. I was approved for child care assistance back in September. I know it wasn't right but I told my daughters father that they were only paying my half but the truth was they were paying pretty much all of it. So I was now taking in $480 more a month that went towards the bills. Well, that was gonna come out in court so I had to tell him. He handled it alot better then I thought he would and he even paid me what he had been paying me on the 15th. Which he didn't have to. But when we went into court I had some past stuff that had to be brought up to and hearing my "ex husbands" voice on the phone was heart breaking in it's self. I hope hearing my voice was painful too for him. But the hardest was when I saw Justin's old pay check stub and saw that he made over $65,000 last year and I had not even $12,000 killed me to know that he puts up such a fight to help me make sure our daughter has everything she needs.Or if I need to barrow money he always needs something in return. He can't just help us out. He made $8,000 each in July, August & September. So for each month he made a total of $12,000. That's what I made the whole year. And he made in 3 month's what would take me 3 years to make. How sad. I know he has a better job then me. But I never asked to be where I am right now. I didn't ask to be working at Target making what I'm making. When we were in court I couldn't stop crying. The judge asked me if I had anything to say. I said no. He seemed shocked. I wish I would of spoken up and said, "Yes your honor, there is. I feel like I have been raising my beautiful daughter all by myself since the day she was born. The first night in the hospital after she was born I woke her father up and asked if he would help me...he got mad at me and yelled I'm sleeping. From that moment on I knew I wasn't gonna be with him. But I tried so hard to stay with him. For awhile he came home after work but would just fall asleep on the couch. Those days where probably some of the loneliest times of my life. If you were to look at a slide show with pictures of me from when she was first born till before I left, you can slowly see the life getting sucked out of me. He stopped coming home after work to go out with his friends at the bars. And the only times he wanted anything to do with me was when he wanted sex. I went back to the job I had before I had Chloe but he made me get fired because he couldn't take care of Chloe 2 days a week for 4 hrs a day. How selfish can someone be? 

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Our New Story!

So I guess it's been over a year since I have written in my blog. Our lives have changed so much since I first made this blog. Except the struggling part. So I will update. 
I wasn't working last time until August 25, 2010 when I got my job at Super Target in Shoreview. Was it my ideal job? No but it brought in more money then my unemployment did which ran out like the week before I started there. We moved out of Anoka in September to Forest Lake with my friend Jayme again. Where we stayed for about a month again until I found a place in Maplewood. They offered me a job as a leasing agent and everything. I couldn't say no. I went from hardly getting by to making about $1600 more a month then I was before. Life was great. I had no worries. Well, other then my crappy babysitters I had who kept not showing up or running late which made me late. And then Chloe's dad made me loose my job at the apartments, which made me not be able to afford to live there anymore. So we had to move home to my parents house in July of this year. For awhile Chloe's dad and I were even trying to work things out again. Which showed to be a big fail again. And made me FINALLY realize I will never be with that guy ever again in my life. Things were going ok at my parents money wise. Cause I didn't have like any bills to pay. But the space was not good. I had to get ready in my bedroom that Chloe and I were sharing. And on weekends we had to hang out in our room till my mom woke up at noon cause she works late. So it was really hard to live there as well. But our lives really started to change when we went into my work to find Chloe a bike helmet and a guy I work with came up to us and started talking to me and helped me pick out a helmet for Chloe. He was so cute with her and she let him put helmets on her. Later that night I sent him a message and asked him if he was planning on going to the fair at all this year. He said he was and asked if I wanted to meet up with them when they go. Wow...after having a secret crush on this guy for almost a year now he finally asked me to hang out with him. I don't know how many times I tried to flirt with him or show him I was interested in him and I just thought he didn't like me. So time after time I just gave up. And now finally I knew this time I had to try again. So on Sept 3rd my life changed into something so wonderful that I can't believe I missed out on being treated this way before. Our first date he was asking me questions like did I see myself getting married, did I want more kids, what were my parents like, did I have any sisters or brothers, was I planning on going to school, what it was like being a parent, whats my daughter like, what did I like to do, and just questions I have never had ANY guy ask me before in my life on a first date or if at all. I knew right there that this was gonna be something so wonderful. I normally don't tell my mom much but I even told her about him. And she told me one day that she knows this one is gonna last because I talk so highly of him. And the way I talk about him she can just tell. On September 22 we become official!  
Well, anyway we finally moved to our new place in New Brighton October 1st. We are so happy. As in Chloe and I. Its only a one bedroom but it works and its way more room then at my parents house. It's again a struggle everyday since I'm still making next to nothing and now having rent to pay again. But I can't seem to find it in my heart when my daughter asked me to buy her something to say no mommy can't afford that right now. And then it puts me behind for the next month.  
Well, It's getting late and I need to get to bed so I will have to continue writing another day. But if there is anyone out there reading this who has been where I am and has gotten themselves out of this mess please give me some advice. I really need to help and I don't know where to get it. I can try my budget time after time but I just don't know how to truly stick to it and not take from other areas. Please help!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Our Story!!!

In 2008 me & my ex found out I was pregnant. We weren't together at the time but we chose to get back together and try to work things out so we could be a family. Everything was great at first, until our daughter Chloe was born January 24, 2009. It was the best day of my life. Yeah that's right...MY life. Her father was not much of a father at all. He did absolutly nothing the first 7 months of her life. Finally after I had a nervous break down and said somethings gotta change or we are leaving, he started to help a little more. Which was nice but I still needed more. By this time I totally checked out. He was so involved in work that it was like he had no time for us. So my world revolved around my daughter and nobody else. His world revolved around work, friends and drinking. What a great life to bring my daughter into.
Finally after 13 months of putting up with everything I realized that this wasn't the best thing for us! So we packed our stuff up and moved to Blaine. My dearest friend Jayme let us stay with her. She was the ONLY person who offerd to help us. Yes the only person. It was great at first. I was less stressed out and we both seemed so much happier. So it was great. But as time went on it got a little bit harder and harder. We went from a whole house to ourselves, to sharing a bedroom.
May 1, 2010 we moved to Anoka. Into the apartment we are in right now. The first month was easy because the county helped me out alot. But after that it just gets harder and harder. I get about $1100 a month. I get $508 for my unemployment which could run out at anytime and $600 for child support. Which my ex loves to hold over my head because thats just what we agreed on, its not court ordered. Our rent is $730/month. Which leaves me with $378 for everything else. I had a great budget started and I didn't think I could go wrong, until June. Things got really hard for me, because all I wanted out of this was to move out and have my ex realize what he was losing and change. But he just let us both walk out the door without a fight. In April I found out he had a new girlfriend already. Yes after being with me for 3 years, 2 weeks after we moved out he moved on. Must of really loved me. So anyway, it just got harder and harder cause he talked about what a rockstar she was and how it was so great to be with someone who wants to sit next to them and hold his hand and just be with him. How she makes more money than him and how she just treats him better than I ever did. I don't think he could have made me feel any worse then he did. Until he told me who it was. It was a girl I used to go to school with, who I didn't really like. So I started to go out alot. Well, I wouldn't say alot cause our agreement for visitation was he gets her every Tuesday and every other weekend. And the weekends he didn't have her he would take her that Monday night till Tuesday night. So I didn't have much time for myself. So it kinda put me back a little bit. And 2 months later I'm still trying to catch back up.
The hardest part of this whole thing I think is that we are getting a smoke smell from the people under us. I asked Chloe's dr if it could be harmful to her and the dr said "YES!" My landloard has pretty much tried everything to get it from coming up here, but 2 days ago, I started to smell it again.
Then to make matters worse my ex and I had a really bad fight last Sunday over $100, and he told me that he is taking me to court and he is not paying me another dollar till we go. Which means I went from $1108/month to $508/month. Thats not even enough for rent. So I just keep praying that something good will come about all this. I guess that's all you can do when something like this happens. You just gotta have faith.

If there are any single moms or moms who are thinking about becoming single moms, I hope I don't scare you out of doing something you felt was right before reading this. Because even though things are hard right now for us, I wouldn't do anything differently. Except maybe sign up to go to court right away instead of agreeing ourselves. At times I look at my life and wonder how I got here. But then there are nights like tonight where Chloe wakes up at 1am and I bring her to lay in bed with me, because I still miss having someone sleeping next to me. How she brushes her sweet/soft little hands down my cheek like she is telling me that its ok have me still. Or how I have missed all the times when she was first born when I could lay her on my chest and she would just sleep in the same spot all night long. But tonight Chloe showed me the good part of her growing up. How she puts her arm around my neck and holds me. That had to of been one of the best moments of my life. I just layed there and wonderd how something so small could take up over half of a queen size bed. Now if she were to be a boy I probably would push them and say "You're being a bed hog." But her, she can take up as much room as she wants and I'm ok with that. Well, I tried to put her back in her own room because she wouldn't go to sleep, but she is still in her room talking away and its almost 3am. Maybe she just misses her mommy.
I'm gonna go get her so I will write again soon!