In 2008 me & my ex found out I was pregnant. We weren't together at the time but we chose to get back together and try to work things out so we could be a family. Everything was great at first, until our daughter Chloe was born January 24, 2009. It was the best day of my life. Yeah that's right...MY life. Her father was not much of a father at all. He did absolutly nothing the first 7 months of her life. Finally after I had a nervous break down and said somethings gotta change or we are leaving, he started to help a little more. Which was nice but I still needed more. By this time I totally checked out. He was so involved in work that it was like he had no time for us. So my world revolved around my daughter and nobody else. His world revolved around work, friends and drinking. What a great life to bring my daughter into.
Finally after 13 months of putting up with everything I realized that this wasn't the best thing for us! So we packed our stuff up and moved to Blaine. My dearest friend Jayme let us stay with her. She was the ONLY person who offerd to help us. Yes the only person. It was great at first. I was less stressed out and we both seemed so much happier. So it was great. But as time went on it got a little bit harder and harder. We went from a whole house to ourselves, to sharing a bedroom.
May 1, 2010 we moved to Anoka. Into the apartment we are in right now. The first month was easy because the county helped me out alot. But after that it just gets harder and harder. I get about $1100 a month. I get $508 for my unemployment which could run out at anytime and $600 for child support. Which my ex loves to hold over my head because thats just what we agreed on, its not court ordered. Our rent is $730/month. Which leaves me with $378 for everything else. I had a great budget started and I didn't think I could go wrong, until June. Things got really hard for me, because all I wanted out of this was to move out and have my ex realize what he was losing and change. But he just let us both walk out the door without a fight. In April I found out he had a new girlfriend already. Yes after being with me for 3 years, 2 weeks after we moved out he moved on. Must of really loved me. So anyway, it just got harder and harder cause he talked about what a rockstar she was and how it was so great to be with someone who wants to sit next to them and hold his hand and just be with him. How she makes more money than him and how she just treats him better than I ever did. I don't think he could have made me feel any worse then he did. Until he told me who it was. It was a girl I used to go to school with, who I didn't really like. So I started to go out alot. Well, I wouldn't say alot cause our agreement for visitation was he gets her every Tuesday and every other weekend. And the weekends he didn't have her he would take her that Monday night till Tuesday night. So I didn't have much time for myself. So it kinda put me back a little bit. And 2 months later I'm still trying to catch back up.
The hardest part of this whole thing I think is that we are getting a smoke smell from the people under us. I asked Chloe's dr if it could be harmful to her and the dr said "YES!" My landloard has pretty much tried everything to get it from coming up here, but 2 days ago, I started to smell it again.
Then to make matters worse my ex and I had a really bad fight last Sunday over $100, and he told me that he is taking me to court and he is not paying me another dollar till we go. Which means I went from $1108/month to $508/month. Thats not even enough for rent. So I just keep praying that something good will come about all this. I guess that's all you can do when something like this happens. You just gotta have faith.
If there are any single moms or moms who are thinking about becoming single moms, I hope I don't scare you out of doing something you felt was right before reading this. Because even though things are hard right now for us, I wouldn't do anything differently. Except maybe sign up to go to court right away instead of agreeing ourselves. At times I look at my life and wonder how I got here. But then there are nights like tonight where Chloe wakes up at 1am and I bring her to lay in bed with me, because I still miss having someone sleeping next to me. How she brushes her sweet/soft little hands down my cheek like she is telling me that its ok mom....you have me still. Or how I have missed all the times when she was first born when I could lay her on my chest and she would just sleep in the same spot all night long. But tonight Chloe showed me the good part of her growing up. How she puts her arm around my neck and holds me. That had to of been one of the best moments of my life. I just layed there and wonderd how something so small could take up over half of a queen size bed. Now if she were to be a boy I probably would push them and say "You're being a bed hog." But her, she can take up as much room as she wants and I'm ok with that. Well, I tried to put her back in her own room because she wouldn't go to sleep, but she is still in her room talking away and its almost 3am. Maybe she just misses her mommy.
I'm gonna go get her so I will write again soon!
